Normally my thought processes tend to go from A-B and in other linear directions. At the moment they seem to be all but linear, as I go round & round in circles, tangents & diverging to each pendulum swing and back. Life seems to be at some sort of crossroad, but one which we are camping at, rather than standing and choosing a path to go down. I have no doubt we will choose a path at some stage, but it seems at the moment as though we are stuck here for awhile. On one hand I feel very strongly that I don't want to waste my life just collecting stuff for myself, yet I have a very strong urge to enjoy the good things of life, one of which I believe is family. Christmas & New Years are times that you feel this even more than other times. There is a longing and ache in my heart for this, but I also feel that my life can't be dictated by this.
I am also stirred by the people in this world who are less fortunate than I, for the people who are marginalized and who have no voice. In my own brokenness I can be stand up for them, and help to bring justice.
Are these two things incongruous? Can I feel happy, safe & welcome in a family and then reach out, or do those things make us complacent so we just stay within our happy confines and either forget about or pay money toward those 'other' people that pop up on our screens every now & again.
What to do? What to think? How to act? I don't want life to be complicated, I just want to love, live & enjoy, but it seems as though my thought processes get in the way of doing this. Yet people who don't think might have a simple life but would that satisfy me???
I have come to learn in life that there are only a few people with whom are comfortable with you asking all of these questions. Living life in question for some people seems confrontational. But for me it is not necessarily about finding the answers but merely in just no holding anything too tightly.
I also find when I have too much time on my hands, then I begin to think too much too -- I wonder if this is a good thing???